Narpo Swansea Branch

Stories

Wonderful words
Thoughts of a Retiring Cop

As I hang my appointments up and close my locker door
I take a moment to reflect on what I'll do no more.
I'll never tell another Mother that her son has been found dead.
I'll never stand in the dark alone when my family’s at home in bed.

I'll never go to another crumpled car with a dying child inside,
Watch her take her last little breath, unable to save her, though I tried.
I'll never stand guard at another mans house from a gang who want to kill,
Despite him doing the despicable deeds that makes my own blood chill.

I'll never again stand alongside my team on a rainy Saturday night,
When the stream of drunken debauchery will end again in blood and fight.
I'll never go out on another patrol and roam the streets, no more.
Intervene and gain control, restrain a suspect on the floor.

Misunderstood by those in charge, ignored by those above,
Taken for-granted by far too many and recognised not enough.
The job of jobs that is the job, the job that can take its toll,
The job in which the staff really are worth their weight in gold.

Cutback, stretch and budget, it can't be done much more.
The thinnest of blue lines ever thinner than before.
To all the officers, left out there doing what you do,
Keep the chinstrap tightly drawn may harm be kept from you.

Proud of what I have achieved, hopefully I’ve served the public well
I did my best and fulfilled my quest before the final bell.
So as I lock my locker door one poignant, final time,
I'm thankful for my extended family left on the thin blue line.

An anonymous retired copper.
(Posted on several Facebook Pages...

December 2016

*************

A story by Terry Townend A contribution by Terry Townend - November 2016

When I was a young Sandfields estate dweller during a particularly long hot summer my friends and I decided that we would buy a yellow inflatable dinghy [the ones used if the ship was to sink] from Thomas Wards breakers yard Giants Grave at Briton Ferry

There were two types for sale one you had to inflate yourself.... with a foot pump or a garage airline The other was much bigger stored in a metal canister and when you flipped a catch it would break free from the canister and inflate itself The big self inflating canisters were stored along side the chain fence

In order to fund the purchase of the smaller inflatable we became "Window cleaners"calling at houses on the estate and cleaned all the window of the house for half a dollar.Using a ladder and a bucket of often very dirty water we made enough dosh to buy the smaller version

We travelled to Briton Ferry in our friends three wheeler car accompanied by his Dad... Our friend shall remain anonymous even though sadly both he and his father have since passed away. Whilst at the breakers yard our pal and his father took a fancy to the larger version of inflatable and for some unknown reason they moved one of them up against the wire fence.We purchased the small inflatable and used it on Aberavon beach all summer.
Dingy

About a month later I read in the Port Talbot Guardian that our friend and his father had been "knocked off" by the Police for the theft of an inflatable dinghy... It would appear that they had returned back to Thomas Wards after it had closed and had cut a hole in the mesh fencing and took and carried away the property...

It would appear that they would have got away with the crime if only our intrepid anonymous but dishonest friend hadn't decided to open the canister enroute from the scene and whilst it was still on the back seat of the three wheeler thus causing the dinghy to inflate itself..

The whole of the interior of the three wheeler was filled by the half inflated dinghy and he and his father were found by Police both firmly pressed up against the roof of the three wheeler in the middle of the main road half way between Briton Ferry bridge and Baglan Roundabout.

I have stopped to talk with him in later years ...He would remind me of his perfect crime and proudly show off his A.C.A.B. tattoo

Aberavon Beach

 

*************

Police Stop
Ron was stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and asked
where he was going at that time of night.

Ron replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse,
smoking, and staying out late and the effects they have on the human body."

The officer asked, "Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?”


Ron replied, "That will be my wife."

**************************

New: Short video clips

How to fail a breathalyzer

apple treeThe Saga of the Gorseinon Police Station Apple Tree.

Read all about it here... (Pdf file)

By Terry Townend

 

  Prawo Jazdy Prawo Jazdy is a slippery fellow.  He's wanted for 50 different driving offences all over Ireland. This is one of the funniest examples of police humour encountered for many a year.  
 

To be sure, your man Prawo Jazdy is a slippery fellow.  He's wanted for 50 different driving offences all over Ireland.  Now, Prawo is clever because every time we book him, his driving licence has a different address.  Every man in the *Garda has a different theory about how this 'Scarlet Pimpernel' escapes the clutches of the law.  Finally, the penny dropped, Prawo Jardy is not a Hungarian name, but the Polish words for Driving Licence.

The Garda had caught 53 different Polish drivers, but thought they were dealing with the same man.  Naturally, the Polish community in Ireland are having a good laugh about Mr Prawo Jazdy.

*Garda are the Irish Police force.

 
Australian Burglar nabbed by
sweet tooth!
An Australian thief has been undone by his habit of stealing treats from his victims' fridges, after police used the DNA he left on a half-eaten doughnut and empty bottles to catch him.
 

Jamie Scott McKillop left an empty can of Coke in one house he robbed, the remains of a Krispy Kreme doughnut in the kitchen of another and empty bottles of pre-mixed alcoholic drinks in yet another, The Sunday Telegraph reported.

Police were able to match DNA traces from the litter to McKillop, from Wollongong, south of Sydney, the report said.

In rejecting McKillop's appeal against a 17-year jail term last week, Justice Peter McClellan said the thief had become somewhat relaxed about his 2005 and 2006 robberies because he committed so many without being caught.

"Frankly, it is not surprising that Mr McKillop was not concerned about leaving his DNA at the scene. After all, he had committed 154 offences without apprehension," McClellan said. AFP News


A frisky kangaroo has caused mayhem after stalking women in an area known as the Honeymoon Ranges in northern Australia.

Female residents in the isolated town of Tennant Creek in the Northern Territory have complained that the animal has been lurking and making its intentions vey clear.

Sky News



The Northern Territory News, which more often makes headlines by reporting on the sexual antics of its human population, gave the problem front page attention under the headline "Horny Roo Stalks NT Women". It quoted one witness saying: "I turned around and saw this big kangaroo behind me, so I hastened my steps.

"It seemed a bit odd, but I continued walking and didn't think much about it. Then on the return walk he was there waiting for me," she said. "He started circling me. There was no doubt about what he wanted, the randy old thing - it was a huge kangaroo and quite intimidating."

Male red kangaroos can grow over six feet tall and weigh 200 pounds, and can cause serious injury or death if they attack.

The kangaroo was described by the newspaper as a "jolly jumper", and made his amorous intentions clear.

She added: "I yelled at him to go away, waved my hands about and let him know I wasn't interested, but he was persistent - I'll give him that."

It also bounded into a local speedway race meeting in the town, which is located about 500 miles south of Darwin.

Tanya Wilson said: "I thought it was strange that a kangaroo would come to such a noisy place, but I grew up around kangaroos so I went up to say hello.

"There I was having a nice chat to him when I heard others calling out to me, warning me to step away," the mum-of-three said.

She added: "I didn't take any notice of them because I didn't think I had anything to worry about - I thought he was just a cute, friendly kangaroo."

But other speedway fans could tell what the roo wanted and the newspaper reported that one man tried to intervene and was punched in the face by the animal before it hopped off!

 

Sea Lion pup rescue  

SAN DIEGO – A sea lion pup has been captured after hiding under a San Diego police car for four hours in the middle of a road. Police Sgt. Jack Knish says officers got a call about 4 a.m. Wednesday that the pup was crossing a street in the Ocean Beach area.

Knish says an officer parked his car in the middle of the road and went to investigate.

That's when the sea lion came out from under another car and scuttled under the patrol car. SeaWorld experts retrieved the growling pup at about 8 a.m.

Rescuer Kevin Robinson grabbed it by the tail and put it in a net. Robinson says the pup, who's less than a year old, was dehydrated but uninjured. He says the pup weighs about 25 pounds — less than half what it should weigh. Robinson says it will be released within two months.

Information from: The San Diego Union-Tribune, http://www.signonsandiego.com

 

Fugitives dress up as sheep  


Two robbers on the run from a maximum security jail have pulled the wool over police's eyes - by disguising themselves as sheep.

Argentineans Maximiliano Pereyra and Ariel Diaz wrapped themselves in full sheepskin fleeces - including heads - to evade a manhunt involving 300 police officers.

They reportedly stole the disguises from a nearby farm after making their escape, the Sun has claimed. The pair have spent the past week hiding among the thousands of sheep at the farm, named La Almeda.  Embarrassed police have conceded that spotting them will be "almost impossible".

However, locals claim to have seen Pereyra, 25, and 28-year-old Diaz, sprinting through the fields under the cover of darkness. A worker at the farm said: "They were wearing grey clothes but had full sheepskins, including the sheeps' heads, over their heads and backs."

But despite being fooled, some police seem to have seen the lighter side of the great escape. One sheepish officer reportedly quipped: "They can't pull the wool over our eyes forever."

The pair had been jailed for robbery offences.

Sky News



Speeding tgicket with a difference

 
Devon
© AFP News 15th Oct
  British youths who tried to snatch a grandmother's purse got the fright of their lives when she turned out to be a former cross-country champion and chased after them
Janet Lane, 68, was waiting for a friend on a park bench in Torquay, in the southwestern English county of Devon, when one of three young men grabbed her bag containing her pension payment in cash, the newspaper reports said on Wednesday

 

"I think those boys saw a little old lady and thought I was easy pickings, but there was no way I was going to sit there and let them get away with it," she said. "Without thinking I jumped up and ran after them as fast as I could. I was screaming at them too. I felt outraged."

She followed them to the grounds of a nearby hotel and caught one of them by the collar. "He was so afraid he dropped my bag but then managed to wriggle free," said Lane, who was a junior athlete for her county in the 1950s.

The retired nurse, who keeps herself in shape by swimming and walking, reportedly added: "I was delighted to get it back. I haven't run like that since I was a girl. It must have been a bit of a sight."

Police said they were investigating the incident but recommended members of the public do not follow Lane's example.

 
Northerners Dirtiest Hands
© ITN News 15th Oct
  Northerners have dirtier hands than southerners, according to new research.

People from the north of England were up to three times more likely to have hands contaminated with toilet bugs, the study found.

The scientists who carried out the test said they were astonished to find that hand hygiene worsened with every step taken further north.


Hands were cleanest in London, dirtier in Birmingham and Cardiff, and filthiest in Liverpool and Newcastle. The most likely explanation is that fewer northerners are washing their hands with soap after answering the call of nature, researchers said.

It was chiefly men who were responsible for the trend - but in Cardiff and London women were the dirtiest sex. In total, almost 30 per cent of people tested were carrying "faecal" bacteria.

People in Newcastle were up to three times more likely to have the bugs on their hands than those in London.

The proportion of people found to have contaminated hands was 13 per cent in London, 23 per cent in Cardiff, 24 per cent in Birmingham, 34 per cent in Liverpool and 44 per cent in Newcastle.

Among men, the figures increased sharply towards the north. In the same order, they were 6 per cent, 15 per cent, 21 per cent, 36 per cent, and 53 per cent.

Women did not show such a strong north - south divide. A total of 21 per cent of women tested in London had dirty hands, 29 per cent in Cardiff, 26 per cent in Birmingham, 31 per cent in Liverpool and 30 per cent in Newcastle.

But women in London were around three times more likely than men to have faecal bacteria on their hands.

Dr Val Curtis, from the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine, who led the study, said: "We were flabbergasted by the finding that so many people had faecal bugs on their hands.

"The figures were far higher than we had anticipated, and suggest that there is a real problem with people washing their hands in the UK.

"If any of these people had been suffering from diarrhoea disease, the potential for it to be passed around would be greatly increased by their failure to wash their hands after going to the toilet."

Dr Curtis's team took random swabs from the hands of 409 commuters waiting at bus stops near London Euston, Birmingham New Street, Cardiff Central, Liverpool Lime Street and Newcastle Central stations on weekday mornings.

When they were analysed, 113 of the samples were found to contain bacteria from faeces.


 
Mad cow jailed
© ITN News - October 2nd

 

A US woman will spend the next month in prison after chasing terrified children through an Ohio town dressed as a cow.

Michele Allen was hired to wear the outfit to promote a local theme park in Middletown, but got drunk at work on the Saturday evening and caused chaos, chasing kids and bringing traffic to a halt.


 

She also urinated in a nearby yard during her rampage, police said.

Allen refused to calm down once taken to the local police station and according to police was yelling and challenging people to "suck her udders".

The 32-year-old, who was wearing nothing underneath the costume, was forced to wear it in a cell over the weekend and for her first court appearance, when she pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct.

She has been in trouble before and still owes $2,733 (£1,549) for an outstanding "failure to appear on a solicitation" charge. Middletown Municipal Court Judge Mark Wall said: "Michele is pretty well known to us. She's 'struggled,' to say the least."


Early DeliveryFriday, October 10
©Sky News
Policeman Helps out in Early Delivery

Pc Dan Wells and his colleague Pc Felicity Cullen discovered the baby was on its way when they went over to a Russian couple's grey BMW parked in South West London.

Father-to-be Michael Nadel had flagged down the police car to ask for help to get to the Portland Hospital - where Victoria Beckham had her baby - as his wife Natalia was in labour.

 

 

"He (Mr Nadel) was behind us and overtook then pulled in," said Pc Wells. "I was about to have words with him about the way he was driving then he said his wife was having a baby," Pc Wells said.

"I think he was hoping for a blue light escort but instead we decided to call an ambulance."

Mr Nadel, 39, returned to his wife Natalia, 31, but seconds later came back to the police to tell them the labour was moving faster than expected.

The quick-thinking police constable noticed that the newly arriving baby was turning blue and moved the umbilical cord which was wrapped around the baby's neck, restoring her oxygen supply. "The head was out and it was kind of blue. We could see the umbilical cord wrapped around the baby's neck," Pc Wells said. "The baby hadn't made a noise at that time so we wondered what we were dealing with. Mr Nadel, a banker from Walton-on-Thames, Surrey, was full of praise for Pc Wells and thanked him for "really helping us". "It was very dangerous," Mr Nadel said. "But she's been checked over by the doctor and everything is okay."

Pc Wells, who has no children of his own and has had no training in delivering babies, was modest about his part in the drama: "I just did what I thought at the time was right."

Egyptian donkey has been jailed for stealing corn

CAIRO (AFP) - An Egyptian donkey has been jailed for stealing corn on the cob from a field belonging to an agricultural research institute in the Nile Delta, local media reported on Thursday.
The ass and its owner were apprehended at a police checkpoint that had been set up after the institute's director complained that someone was stealing his crops, the state-owned Al-Ahram daily said.

 

  The unnamed ungulate was found in possession of the institute's corn and a local judge sentenced him to 24 hours in prison. The man who had his ass thrown in jail got off with a fine of 50 Egyptian pounds (nine dollars, six euros).

 

Hot Dog
© South Wales Guardian

  World Sheepdog Trials

CROWDS from around the world flocked to Llandeilo last week for the third Land Rover World Sheep Dog Trials.

Competitors from 22 different countries attended the event held for the first time at Dinefwr Park and dubbed it a big success.

Hallucinogenic chocolates doom Berlin sweet shop
BERLIN (Reuters)
- Police closed down a Berlin sweet shop after discovering the owner was selling chocolates and lollipops laced with hallucinogenic mushrooms and marijuana.

The 23-year old owner of the shop in the trendy east Berlin district of Prenzlauer Berg, an area known for its vibrant night life, was taken into custody on suspicion of drug-dealing.

"In the shop we found 120 pieces of magic mushroom chocolate and countless cannabis lollipops," said police, who confiscated around 70 sachets containing various drugs, about 20 marijuana joints, a range of pills and some jars of drug-laced honey.

Police said one customer, who appeared intoxicated, was arrested after trying to buy a bag of hallucinogenic mushrooms from an officer in the shop!


 

© Sky News - Thursday 11th September

A courtroom observing a French murder trial could be excused for thinking the presiding judge has gone barking mad.

In what is believed to be a world first, the investigating magistrate has invited a dog to take the stand as a witness. Scooby will give evidence as he is believed to have been with his 59-year-old owner when she was found hanging from the ceiling of her Paris flat.

Police believe the death was suicide, but her family cry murder - and the only witness to see the alleged crime is on four legs.It is hoped Scooby can collar the potential perpetrator, having already played a leading role during a preliminary court hearing in Nanteree, a Paris suburb.

He is said to have hounded a suspect, "barking furiously" after being taken out of the kennel and into the witness box by a vet. French judge Thomas Cassuto praised the mongrel for his "exemplary behaviour and invaluable assistance".

But lawyers barked back - insisting the bizarre spectacle "proved nothing".

One said: "Human evidence is unreliable enough, let alone canine evidence.

"Besides, the victim died two and half years ago, which is seventeen dog years! How is the animal supposed to remember that far back?"

A spokesman for the Palais de Justice in Paris confirmed that the appearance was the first time a dog had appeared as a witness in criminal proceedings in France.

He said: "It was a preliminary hearing. The judge will now decide if there is enough evidence
to go to trial."



Policing from beginning to end of service!





The retired cop usually dies within 5 years of retirement, saving the force a bunch of money. Of course, nothing is ever 100% true, but if you are a cop, were a cop, know a cop, then you will certainly recognise some of the
statements as being very true!!!


More stories and tales here

The police recently arrested a man selling 'secret formula' tablets he claimed gave eternal youth. When going through their files they noticed it was the fifth time he was caught for committing this same criminal medical fraud.

He had earlier been arrested in 1794, 1856, 1928 and 1984

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most!


     
 

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